So I know that this blog was initially going to be about epic movie madness, and all the latest and greatest movies, and so on and so forth…. however, sometimes, and I mean once in a small moon, does a movie come along that is so awesomely, amazingly, and exuberantly shizzy, that it deserves to be there among the Greats. To dazzle next to the Wonders. To glisten at the side of the Beauts. You get it. I have to vent about a little movie that people cream their pants over, and it goes a little something like this:
Twilight: Breaking Dawn.
So for starters, I will just have to say that it is very deceiving, because if you watched this, you would probably think it would be a good movie too…
Right?! I thought the same thing. In fact, I haven’t read any of the books or seen any of the previous movies, but I heard all the hype about this latest movie, and watched as girl after girl would tell me how bad they wanted to see it. In fact, on the day when the movie was released and would be showing at midnight that night, I drove by the theater and actually took this picture with my iphone:
Yes, you are currently viewing a few INSANE people that are camping outside the theater so that they could be the first to sit down at midnight. Keep in mind that this picture was taken at about 4pm. Yep you heard correctly. And midnight was when they would actually be getting up. Crazies. However, seeing them there actually put some false hope in my head that if people would actually go to the measure of camping out for this movie, it has got to be pretty dang good (keep in mind thought that still NO ONE has seen it).
For my work party, they actually had rented out a huge theater at Jordan Commons where the movie would be playing at 8pm. 4 hours before the public would be seeing it. Lot of peeps at work (keep in mind these are all young jocky men) were invited and came with their wives and dates. We all were pretty excited since the hype for this movie was blown out of proportion, especially all the girl that had read the books. We got some treats, some poppy corn corn and sat down. Ready. Action.
I could say that the best part of the movie was the previews, and when the credits FINALLY came up. But I won’t.
You probably have gotten the hint by now. I have never, and I repeat never have ever had to sit through a movie that has tortured me so bad. It easily has got to be the worst movie I have seen in theaters (since I wont pay for a movie that I already don’t know will be amazing). Luckily this was a free event.
For one, I hated all the characters. Edward was supposed to be the “most beautiful man” in the world, according to the book. And also a blood thirty Vampire Babe…
Hmmm really Hollywood? Could have done better with that one. And Bella the beautiful girl that is torn by this beautiful man, because she as well is just Oh so dazzling?….
Alright. At least they got it right with one character… Jacob the werewolf who hates his shirt… but wow are his acting skills a huuuuuuge step below par….
The character choices was the least of the worries however. From the beginning of the movie, we are treated with Edward and Bella’s amazing wedding and their honeymoon retreat. Just don’t be surprised when this retreat lasts for half of the movie, no joke. Make out after make out, and love making after love making. I will admit that I am not one that ever gets weirded out when love scenes come on in theaters, but in this movie I stand with everyone when we say that it was supppper awkward. I actually got uncomfortable and annoyed at how much they kissed. You’ll see what I mean, just watch it. The only cool thing about the epic honeymoon retreat that lasted an hour, is the fact that Edward destroys his bed when he makes love to his Bella…. talk about a manly man!
Other than that, you are treated to some horrible acting and literally NO fight scenes like the trailer shows. It is a super bland story about how a Vampire did the impossible by getting a human pregnant, and how the fetus growing in her becomes so strong that it threatens her life. I felt like I was watching the medical channel and how moms give birth to babies for about 40 minutes of the movie. There were so many laugh out loud moments where they were trying to be cute or serious or something was just so ridiculously acted out that this action/drama turned into a comedy.
I was restless at about an hour into the movie, just waiting and waiting for it to end… and I didn’t stand alone as I glanced at the many males AND females who had their heads slouched back and seemed to be staring at the ceiling. Yeah it made you wanna do that. But rest assured that at about 2 hours past 8pm, we all were treated with words that have never looked so beautiful and welcoming…
Yes those beautiful words… not because we will be seeing part 2.. cause we definitely WILL NOT. But now we could finally leave the theater. Treat this movie with caution, and when your girlfriend suggests that she wants to go so badly, just make sure you are “sick” that night, and make it an XBOX night.